Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
