Don't make out with my wife yet
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
