My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
