the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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