guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
