I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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