were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
