Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
