Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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