Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
