Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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