Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
