You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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