well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
