I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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