remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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