whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
