I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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