two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
