k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize