My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
