the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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