did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
