My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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