remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
