You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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