I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
