I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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