Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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