theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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