i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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