update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize