Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize