I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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