I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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