You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
