haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
