guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
