Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
