If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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