isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
