My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
