Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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