You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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