I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
