ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
