I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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