when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize