your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.