What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
this beer tastes like vomit already
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?