I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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