so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong