if only i could text you this smell
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
being pregnant is like rehab
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened