Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize