on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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