Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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