guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
