Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
