On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.