i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME