is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
