I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
