i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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