i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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