It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
